A storage unit, a canceled lease, and eighteen months of learning what it feels like to belong to no address but your own — plus what I’m actually packing for an Italian Riviera summer.
By Codi Jane
I was driving down the freeway in Austin, on my way to work from a cafe, when a single thought stopped me: why am I living in Austin, if I can live anywhere in the world? I didn’t have an answer. I also didn’t have a plan for what came next — I just knew I couldn’t keep living like the answer was already decided for me. So I didn’t renew my lease. Whatever didn’t fit in my car went into storage, and it’s been there for a year and a half now. That decision used to terrify me just thinking about it. Now it feels like the most liberating thing I’ve ever done.
The trip after that wasn’t really planned, it just unfolded, one instinct at a time. I stayed with a girlfriend in Malibu for a couple months, close to where my horse lives. Then I went to Copenhagen for the winter, and quickly learned a Danish winter is not a European summer. So I made a plan to come back for one properly — three months in Europe, anchored by a retreat I’m hosting in Sardinia at the end of September. Everything else got built loosely around that, which is honestly how most of this trip has gone: I commit to the next real thing, and I trust that the rest will find me.
Underneath the logistics, something else has been shifting. I’m in an era of my life I can only describe as sovereignty — feeling fully comfortable and confident in my own skin without needing the milestones a lot of women my age are reaching for, and without needing to have every next step figured out before I take it. I spent nine years in a relationship that looked, on paper, like exactly the kind of security you’re supposed to want — the thing that’s supposed to mean you’re doing it right. I had to learn the hard way that having the thing you think you need to feel secure in reality doesn’t always turn out to be what it looks like on the outside and actually the opposite of security and safety. I may want a home of my own someday, kids someday, all of it. I’m just not there yet, and for the first time, not being there doesn’t feel like I’m behind. It feels like exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the decentering-men conversation happening in feminism right now — the idea that women orient their lives around a partner without fully realizing they’re doing it, quietly deprioritizing their own needs because it’s what we were conditioned to do. I recognized myself in that immediately. I used to be the kind of woman who felt more comfortable with a partner beside me than without one, and there are real, layered reasons that became true for me. What I’m leaning into now is the opposite — I feel more at peace and more in my power alone on this trip than I have in a long time. And I don’t think I’m the only one feeling this shift. By 2030, nearly half of prime-working-age American women — 45 percent of women between 25 and 44 — are projected to be single, the largest share in recorded history. Something real is changing in how women are choosing to build their lives, and I’d rather be inside that shift than watching it from the outside.
If there’s one thing I keep coming back to, it’s that when something keeps showing up in your imagination — a place, a version of your life, a dream you can’t quite shake — there’s usually a reason it’s there. I’ve stopped waiting for some perfect, safer moment to go after the things I actually want, because that moment doesn’t really come on its own. You have to build it yourself, now, instead of promising yourself you’ll get to it eventually.
Part of what I’m feeling, I think, is genuinely neurological, even if the version I first heard was a little oversimplified. The default mode network is the brain system tied to self-referential thought — the part of you that’s narrating, remembering, checking in on how you’re doing relative to everyone around you. It’s most active when your mind is wandering and quietest when you’re genuinely absorbed in what’s in front of you. When you travel with someone else, a piece of your attention is always on them — are they having a good time, what do they need, what do they think of this place. Traveling alone removes that layer almost entirely, which is part of why it can feel disorienting and clarifying at the same time. Apparently I’m not the only one figuring this out — solo female travel bookings are up 50 percent over the past five years, and 72 percent of American women have now taken at least one trip completely on their own. I’m using that presence to build my business and grow creatively in a way I don’t think I could from inside a shared itinerary.
I decided where to spend it the same way I’ve been trying to make most decisions lately — by checking in with my body instead of my logic. I was sitting in a park in Stockholm when I made the call, and my mind was racing, because I genuinely had nowhere to stay that night. I had to figure it out right there — book a flight for that same day or for the next — and last minute I realized I was actually going to end up sleeping in the airport. So I dropped into my body instead of spiraling in my head. I opened Airbnb, started clicking through places along the coastline, asking myself where I’d actually feel good and paying attention to what that did to me physically, and that’s how I landed on the Italian Riviera. I knew the moment I found this place.
That same night, I was in the car on the way to the airport hotel when I got a text from my mom: “So where are you staying tonight?” I sent her a picture of the airport hotel. That’s genuinely how spontaneous it was. I know for some people that would feel disorienting — no plan past a hotel inside an airport — but for me, this whole trip has been one adventure after another, and I think that’s the real takeaway underneath all of it. Women can learn to get excited about not having everything figured out. You don’t need a plan for every piece of it, you just need to let yourself be in the moment, trust yourself, and see what magic unfolds when you do. It all comes back to being fully present, choosing yourself, doing what actually feels good to you, and being willing to step outside your comfort zone to get there.
The place I landed on is up on a hill — which tracks, since my Human Design says I live best in the mountains, the way I did years ago at the top of Topanga Canyon. From here I can see a peninsula that looks almost like its own island, a small city, the ocean wrapped around all of it. Close enough to feel connected. Far enough to actually think.
If any part of this is landing on you — if you’ve been circling a trip you don’t have anyone to take with you, or a decision that scares you a little because it means choosing yourself first — let this be the sign to do it anyway. You don’t need it figured out. You just need to be willing to get excited about not knowing, trust yourself to handle whatever shows up, and let yourself be fully present for it. It probably won’t feel comfortable right away. Almost nothing that actually changes you does. I hope this inspires you to take a trip to Europe.
Over this past year and a half I learned that everything is connected. Living in alignment across friendships, living space, time, and purchases matters because a misaligned piece echoes everywhere. Prioritize what truly reflects you to harmonize your life.
The Edit: What I’m Actually Living In This Summer
It is hot enough here that I am either in a cover-up or in a bikini for most of any given day, so that’s almost entirely what I shopped for before this trip — that, and the skincare keeping up with how much sun I’m actually getting. Here’s what’s in rotation.
Bikinis
“Simple at first glance, but the natural stone detail makes it feel quietly elegant—the kind of swimsuit that feels special and intentional without trying too hard.”
“I was specifically looking for a strapless bikini, and this underwire style immediately stood out because it looked like it would actually stay in place. But what really sold me was the print. The combination of nudish gray and an unexpected tomato-red zebra pattern felt fresh and playful, while still looking incredibly elevated. It’s the kind of design that feels distinctive without being trendy, which makes me think I’ll be reaching for it for many summers to come.”
“What really sold me on this bikini was the way it ties on one side, finished with delicate beaded shells that sway as you walk. It’s such a small detail, but it gives the whole suit this whimsical, almost mermaid-like feel that makes it feel truly special. I love pieces that have unexpected details like this because they’re the ones I find myself reaching for year after year.”
Skincare
“This trio was one of the first things I packed in my suitcase because it made my routine so much simpler. I love knowing the ingredients are doing good things for my skin, both protecting and replenishing.”
SHOP NO-SHOW MINERAL BODY SHIELD
SHOP TOTAL EYE HYDROGEL TREATMENT MASKS
EVEN UP CLINICAL PIGMENT PERFECTOR
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- Free Total Eye® Hydrogel Treatment Masks (6-pack, $42 value) with orders of $150+
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Sources:
The 2030 single-women projection is drawn from U.S. Census Bureau data and a Morgan Stanley forecast, as reported by Yahoo Lifestyle. The solo female travel booking increase and the share of American women who’ve taken a solo trip are reported by Solo Traveler World and Solo Female Travelers Club. Background on the default mode network is from Psychology Today.
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